MPC, 23rd March 2003.Ephesisans 5:21-6:9 "Different Strokes - We're Different Folks!"
Phil Campbell MPC, 23rd March 2003.
The picture you can see is all about being different. In case you can't see it too well, it's one zebra. In a crowd of Zebras. One Zebra who stands out from the crowd... because it's got spots. In a crowd of Zebras with regulation Zebra stripes.
No doubt a clever bit of computer image magic. But it's certainly different.
Which is a reminder of what we saw Paul last time saying to these Ephesians who have become Christians. These Ephesian Gentiles who have joined with the Jewish saints. To be something new. Which Paul calls the church of God.
And so we saw Paul saying to them, from here on you're going to be different. Different to the people around you. Different to the guys you went to school with. Different to your friends at work. Ephesians 4 verse 17, he says, "I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking." You've gotta be different.
And on he goes to spell out the differences. That are going to mark out the people of God. From the people around them. A different honesty. A different integrity. Things to put off. And things to put on. So they'll be distinctive and different from the pagan Gentile world around them. Which is the same pagan, Gentile world around us. And so this morning we come to maybe the most sensitive - and challenging - and provocative - way to be different of all.
Because Paul says, a key place Christians are going to be different... is in our families.
And at a time when marriages around us seem to be dissolving at an alarming rate, at a time when marriage vows might as well be honest and just say, "I'll give it a go for the next 11 years or so before I drop you for somebody new..." it's a good time to be reminded how we Christians are meant to be different in the hardest arena of all. To be different when we're out of the public eye. To be different at home.
To be different husbands. To be different wives. To be different kids. Even back then to be different slaves. And I want to recognise as we start that there are categories here you might not fall into. There are categories here that might even be painful to think about. That will remind you of what was. Or what could have been. Or what should have been. And we need to listen gently.
Now before we go any further, can I point out the overarching principle in being different. Because no matter what your own situation, this applies to you. And if you miss it, the whole thing just won't make any sense. The overarching principle right through from chapter 4 verse 17, the whole way they're meant to be different from their Gentile mates... is to keep on looking at Jesus.
So a couple of weeks back we saw chapter 4 verse 32. Look again. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Forgive each other. Just as in Christ God forgave you. To the point where those two little words just as get used over and over again. A couple of verses later. Chapter 5 verse 2. "And live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
A life of love. Measured by self sacrifice. Just exactly as Christ loved us. Look at Jesus. And do likewise.
And so as we come to the Christian family, same principle applies. Paul says, the goal is to be different to the world around us in our marriages and families by modelling ourselves on Christ and the church.
Let's cut to the chase. At verse 31 and 32. As a reminder that the big principle in being different, our spots among everyone else's stripes... will be that we're going to keep looking at Jesus.
People often talk about marriages that are made in heaven. Sort of like the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" and you've got your Tom Hanks and your Meg Ryan and you just know that they're made for one another.
Romantic idea. But hidden in the familiar words in verse 31 and 32 there's a key to the whole passage. And a marriage that really was made in heaven. Read it carefully. Because there's a point I think that's nearly always missed. It's a direct quote from Genesis 2 verse 24. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." But then he goes on. "This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about... Christ and the church.
The whole model for marriage, says Paul - and think this over - is the one who left behind the glories of heaven. And became one with us. The way a man leaves his Father and Mother and he's united to his wife, the way the two become one flesh, Paul says in all of that, I'm talking about Christ. And the church. In all of that, I'm talking about the one who left his heavenly father. And became one flesh with humanity. At such incredible cost. Such incredible sacrifice.
Paul says don't misunderstand me. I'm talking about that ultimate merger made in heaven. The marriage between Christ and his church.
So move back up through the passage and take a closer look at what that marriage looks like. Between Christ and his people. We'll come back to husbands and wives in a minute. But let's pick up first what he says about Christ and the church.
Verse 23. Christ is the head of the church. His body. Of which he is the saviour. And so, verse 24, the saved church submits to Christ. Verse 25, Christ, who loved the church, and gave himself up for her.
Here's the bride groom who loved us so much that he left his Father in Heaven, took on human flesh, and gave up his life for us at the cross as the perfect sacrifice for our sin. And he did it for a reason. Keep reading.
Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, verse 25, "to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
Now I don't know what sort of church it is you most want to be part of. I reckon it's great to be part of a church that's heading somewhere. But where are we heading? What's the goal for our church that's pulling you forward? There are all sorts of ways people want to measure a church. Do you want to be part of a church with great music? Not a bad thing I guess. Do you want to be part of a church with a good kids program? That's important. Maybe you want to be part of a big church? I know of a church that had as its goal to have 500 members. Or you think instead perhaps a small church? What's your dream church? And how are you going to measure it?
The goal Jesus has for us, the reason Jesus died for us... is to make us a beautiful church. A radiant church. Just think back to the last wedding you've been to. That moment when everyone draws breath when the bride walks down the aisle and you're noticing the bodice and the beautiful brocade and the embroidery and the ... and you can hear the clicks as jaws drop at the transformation.
The book of Revelation paints the same picture. A church in the end that looks like the most beautiful bride you can imagine. And the beauty... is the beauty of blamelessness. The beauty is the beauty of righteous acts. The beauty is the beauty of holiness. Of lives filled with such goodness and love that it's a beautiful thing. Not just the sort of negative Christianity that says you don't do this, you don't do that. But active in doing good.
I reckon it's a great goal to be part of a church like that. To be part of a church submissive to it's lord Jesus who gave himself for us. To be part of a church where if your friend at work says, "what's your church like?" the first word that comes into your mind is "beautiful." Because ultimately, that's what Jesus died for.
And Paul says, if you want to know how to have a different marriage, remember first and foremost the marriage of the crucified bridegroom. And the purified wife.
I wonder how that helps? I mean, the times when your patience is frayed, when you can't agree, when you're both over-tired from work, when you can't afford the holiday, when his job calls this way and your job calls that way, when you're so frustrated that he just won't squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom and pick up his socks off the floor that you could scream.
Well, let's try it out. If the model is Christ and the church, guys, keep your eye on the bride groom, and girls keep your eye on the bride. Guys, keep your eye on the lord Jesus, and girls keep your eye on his church.
But will you notice first of all we started our reading in Ephesians 5 verse 21. A strange thing that our NIV Bibles put the wives and husbands heading between verse 21 and 22. Because it breaks the flow. If you're a grammatical person, it's interesting that in the Greek verse 22 doesn't even have its own verb. It carries over from verse 21. Which says this. And you'll notice again, Christ is the motivation and the model. "submit to one another... out of reverence for Christ." The verb is submit. A submission that's all about devoting yourself to the best interests of the other. A submission that's going to look different depending who you are. That's going to be driven by your reverence for Christ.
So let's keep reading. Except that I want to say at the outset if you are married, the golden rule for a passage like this one is that wives need to listen especially carefully to the bit for wives. And husbands need to listen to the bit for husbands. And not the other way around. I was thinking maybe we could put some football highlights on the screen for the guys while wives look at verse 22.
Now remember. Verse 21 and 22 run together as a unit. And literally say "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, wives to your husbands, as to the Lord."
To which I guess you're sitting there thinking, well, it'd be a whole lot easier if he was a bit more like the Lord. And I know if you've got to live with a guy anything like the one my wife lives with, there are plenty of imperfections. But there's a word for the guys in a moment. And it doesn't say submit in proportion to how much he's succeeding in being like Jesus.
"22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
As the church yields to Christ so the wife to the husband.
Which since Genesis chapter 3 has been exactly the opposite of doing comes naturally. And is going to make Christian marriages profoundly different... to anything else in the world. Wives with a glad and willing and respectful submission to their husbands. When it's so much easier to belittle and berate and to nag and to ignore. And probably even justified.
Okay, now if that's a big ask, there's a bigger ask for husbands. Because if the wife is to model herself on the church submitting to Christ, the Christian husband subjects himself to the wife in a different way. And so guys, time to leave the football and pay attention. While wives ponder for a while on their part.
At first verse 23 sounds terrific, doesn't it.
"For the husband is the head of the wife..."
Did you hear that, darling?
But the sentence doesn't stop there does it? "... for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."
And if you want to know what that sort of headship looks like, go to verse 25. And follow the just as rule again. Because there it is. Here's what Christ's headship looks like. A loving headship. That's completely sacrificial.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
Now guys, can I ask you, are you doing that? And it's not about working longer hours so she can get the bigger house and swimming pool she's been wanting so you can keep up with the neighbours. It's giving yourself up for her for a much bigger purpose. Jesus gave himself up for us to make us holy and blameless. So you be the same.
See, it's interesting. So much of our thinking about marriage is focussed on how the bride looks on the wedding day. But there's a bigger day than that. And it's on judgement day. When you as a husband will stand there and say, I led her to be this way. I was her husband... and I gave myself for her. To encourage her in Godliness. To help her press on in the faith. I got the family ready for church and in the car to make it easy for her. I took the initiative in making sure we kept on going to growth group even when she didn't feel like it. Because as her leader I knew it was good for her. I shared her burdens, I loved her, I gave myself up for her. To present her even more spotless and beautiful on the last day than she was on our wedding day.
How much are we husbands to love our wives? Like our own bodies. Because in marriage, the two have become one. I mean, I don't have much problem wanting what's good for my body. If I'm hungry, I'll feed me. If I'm tired, I'll take a little lie down. I'm just naturally tuned to loving my body. Except when it comes to exercise and low fat foods!
Paul says, just as Christ gave himself up for us, verse 28, "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
"After all," verse 29, "no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church -- for we are members of his body."
Christ and the church. The husband and the wife. A care for the one you're one flesh with that's modelled on the husband from heaven who hung on a cross.
Now we're just going to wrap up quickly with two other household differences. Bearing in mind that a household back in Ephesus was made up of husband and wife and children and slaves. And it starts with a different marriage of a husband and wife who submit themselves to one another in their two distinct ways. By leading with love. By respecting and responding to that leadership.
So what about the kids? Here's a novel thought. Because even though almost every Hollywood kids movie you can think of puts out the idea that parents are a slightly dull race that aren't worth respecting and that kids have got to save the day, chapter 6 verses 1 and 2 address Christian kids directly with the fact that parents are to be both obeyed. And honoured.
Paul says, there's even a commandment about it. That goes right back to ancient Israel. Jewish Christians have known it all along. "Honour your Father and mother, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life in the land." Paul gives it a slight update. And applies it to these Gentiles who are going to be different.
Parents are to be honoured. And it's the same principle we saw already. Christian kids, Paul's saying, submit yourself to your parents out of reverence for Christ.
And get this. A hard word for dads. Because instead of harassing your kids, instead of riding your kids, instead of brow beating your kids, the radical concept that you're dealing with someone you want to see mature in the Lord. And so whatever you do, don't drive them crazy. Verse 4. And I'm not sure why mothers are let off the hook. He says, "Fathers, don't exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
So again, dads, it's up to you. To be the Christian leader of your kids. To model a commitment to Jesus that they see is real - and not pretend. To model a commitment to Christ and his church that goes right to the heart. Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Make sure they're taught the gospel. Make sure they're mixing with a positive Christian peer group.
I just wonder, how many dads here today... have any sort of idea what your kids are learning in Kidzbiz today? Have ever read the bible with your kids. Or prayer with them? And if you have, whether you've been able to do it in a way that hasn't been exasperating or tiresome or just downright dull. Big ask, isn't it? But there's the job. You're doing it with their benefit on view rather than your own. Because you're modelling yourself on Jesus.
And finally, slaves and masters. Enough maybe to see again the same principle at work. Of being different... by looking at Jesus. Paul says, when you look at your boss, think about Jesus. Which is a principle you can take to work with you tomorrow.
Read from verse 5. "Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free."
And if you're a boss, if you're a master, you've got to keep Jesus in mind as well. Because in whatever you do, don't forget, no matter what the organisation chart says where you're working, there's someone way above the top rung.
"9And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him."
So there it is. Different families. Different marriages. Different kids. Different workers. Spots among stripes.
And none of it's easy, is it? Certainly not in my house. And less easy the more the world moves away from it. And reviles it.
And yet it's a beautiful picture, isn't it. A Godly woman. Gladly submitting to a Christ like husband who wants what's best for her. Godly kids. Gladly submitting to Christ like parents who want what's best for them. Godly slaves. Submitting to gentle masters who want what's best for even them. As fellow servants of Christ.
Before we finish, can I say in the area of marriage, you need to be careful. And you need to be real. Being Christian doesn't mean you're divorce proof. And the statistics prove it. In fact, if you're glib about the challenges, you won't be prepared for them. Judy Bodmer has written a book called How to save a hopeless marriage. Where she tells the story of her marriage with Larry. And she says, we thought because we were Christians, we'd live a fairy tale life. With no arguments. No issues. And so we didn't go for help when we should have. She says it's easy to read what the Bible says about mutual submission... and push it places it was never meant to go. So, it doesn't mean Larry has to look after the money. And decide everything without me. We work together. And she says, I had to realise it's not up to me to change my husband. Or nag him to grow in his faith. It's up to him.
Whatever you do, be real. About the fact it can be tough. Get help if you need to. Find a friend you can trust to talk things through with. And at the same time, don't lose sight of the goal ahead of us. Or the example behind us.
Don't lose sight of the church we're going to be; of the beauty of holiness that Jesus died to see in us... don't lose sight of the goal of being the families were called forward to be as well. Of the very different individual you're called forward to be. Visibly different. Because of the way you keep your eyes on the example of the one who gave up his life for the church to make her holy.
Marriages are hard. And I know there are plenty of you here who've learned that the hard way. Bringing up kids is hard. And in what Paul sets out as a gentle and encouraging passage, it would be wrong to leave here today feeling beaten. Or somehow a failure. Instead of excited. About the prospect of one day meeting Jesus spotless and radiant. And in the mean time... being different. By being more and more like Him.