MPC, 9th June 2002.1 Corinthians 7 - "Spiritual Sexuality"
Phil Campbell MPC, 9th June 2002.
Sometimes, the simple words LOVE HONOUR AND OBEY can be more than you bargain for. They're part of the standard marriage vow.
And an 18 year old teenager in England by the name of Lee Becks was feeling romantic, so he decided to have the words LOVE HONOUR AND OBEY tattooed on his arm. In CHINESE.
He doesn't read Chinese. But he thought it was a nice idea. Until a waitress in a Chinese restaurant started laughing at him. Because it actually didn't say LOVE, HONOUR AND OBEY at all.
The tattooist was having some fun in his last day on the job. And had actually written AT THE END OF THE DAY, THIS IS AN UGLY BOY.
Which is why the Chinese waitress was so amused.
At the end of the day, LOVE, HONOUR AND OBEY turned out to be something VERY DIFFERENT from what he expected. Which maybe at the end of the day in a deeper way, is how a lot of other people find it as well.
And so when it comes to marriage, when it comes to relationships, end up bruised. And hurt. And even negative.
And yet in our culture marriage is so much romanticised. Being single is sometimes seen as SECOND BEST.
In 1 Corinthians 7, we're face to face with some big life issues. Issues of marriage. Of singleness. Of divorce. Of sexuality. Which Paul talks about in a very open way. But before we start we need to realise, we're listening to ONE END of an unusual conversation. A conversation that starts at the exact OPPOSITE END OF THE SCALE to where WE ARE in 20th Century Australia. We romanticise ROMANCE. We IDOLISE MARRIAGE. Paul's writing to people who are doing the EXACT OPPOSITE. He's responding to the points they've raised in their previous letter. Which he says directly in verse 1. He says, NOW FOR THE MATTERS YOU WROTE ABOUT.
And what did they write? They wrote this:
It's is GOOD FOR A MAN NOT TO MARRY.
Or more literally, if you look down at the small print in the footnotes, IT IS GOOD FOR A MAN NOT TO TOUCH A WOMAN.
Or, more literally again if we don't want to beat around the bush, that SEXUAL RELATIONS… are best avoided.
So in the midst of all the immorality that's going on around them, the Corinthians have become the world's very first CATHOLICS. In the midst of all the sexual immorality in Corinth that's even creeping into the church, they've decided, the best remedy is that a MAN should have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH A WOMAN. "It's best," they say, "for a man just not to touch a woman." Men on one side of the street, women on the other.
I mean, it's a time honoured idea. There's one bible college I know of that even up to the 1970s, when the students went to the local shopping centre, that's exactly what they did. Male students on one side of the street. Females on the other.
Or the doctrine that CATHOLIC PRIESTS remain celibate. As if it's a virtue. The idea that grew through the centuries that MARY was a perpetual virgin. All go back to this. It's GOOD for a man not to touch a woman.
And I wonder if that's somewhere at the back of your own mind too. That SEXUALITY is somehow LESS THAN CHRISTIAN. That SEXUALITY is part of the FALLEN WORLD rather than the GOOD CREATION?
The Corinthian end of conversation goes further. Case by case. And you'll see Paul picks them off one at a time.
I think they go something like this.
SURELY PAUL, they say, the MOST SPIRITUAL THING is for a man to have NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BODY OF A WOMAN.
So if you're MARRIED… NO SEXUAL RELATIONS. Verse 2 to 5.
SURELY PAUL, they say, ANYONE UNMARRIED, single people, widows, they should STAY THAT WAY. Single, like you. Verse 8 and 9.
SURELY PAUL, Christians who are married, they should GET OUT OF IT. Especially if you're married to an UNBELIEVER. I mean, fancy having contact with a spouse who's not even a CHRISTIAN. Which Paul answers in verses 10 to 16.
And what if you're ENGAGED? I mean, surely Paul, let's tell them to CALL IT OFF WHILE THE GOING'S GOOD? Which is the question about BETROTHED VIRGINS in verse 25; that he answers in verse 36 to 38.
SURELY PAUL… no matter what the situation… it's BETTER BY FAR to have nothing to do with S..E..X.
Now what's the Apostle going to SAY to a proposition like that? Well, let's start with some ADVICE TO THE MARRIED.
Now remember, the Corinthians start the ball rolling with this crazy idea that it's GOOD FOR A MAN NOT TO TOUCH A WOMAN. Especially in the light of the sort of SEXUAL IMMORALITY all around them in Corinth.
To which Paul says, NO. Since there's so much immorality, he says, the best thing is to marry. Each man should HAVE HIS OWN WIFE. And each woman HER OWN HUSBAND. Verse 2.
By which he's not so much saying EVERYONE GET MARRIED. But starting the point he's about to go on with. That the best remedy for sexual immorality isn't to say DON'T TOUCH your wife. But the opposite. A HEALTHY MARRIAGE. Each husband with his own wife. And each wife with her own husband.
There are plenty of marriages that need to hear what Paul's saying here, but for very different reasons. Maybe TENSIONS in a relationship. Of unresolved arguments. A power play. An angry wife using sexual contact as a bargaining chip. A husband who makes himself SO BUSY with other things that intimacy is off the agenda. Which COMPOUNDS THE PROBLEMS THAT ARE ALREADY THERE EVEN FURTHER.
Paul says, don't WITHHOLD yourselves from one another. Especially not dressed up as somehow being more spiritual. Because when you marry, he says, YOUR BODIES BELONG TO EACH OTHER.
Verse 3 and 4. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
Which in some marriages I know come as hard words. And there's no sense here in which there's a license to INSIST. But a reminder that if you're married, you've actually at the point of your marriage vows, GIVEN YOURSELF. And so to withhold is actually a kind of FRAUD. Which is the strong word Paul actually uses in verse 5. Where he's literally saying, if you're married, don't DEFRAUD one another this way. Except if you both agree about it, and you want to devote yourselves to PRAYER maybe. But ONE PARTNER with-holding without the agreement of the other, he's saying it's like you've given something; and you've taken it back unfairly.
And so he says, if you're going to abstain, set limits. "Don't deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again, so that Satan won't tempt you because of your lack of self control."
Which Paul says isn't a COMMAND. But a concession. If you Corinthians INSIST on abstaining, MAKE SURE IT'S LIMITED. Because Paul knows exactly what human nature is like.
And the best remedy for sexual immorality, the best way to avoid being tempted by Satan in this area if you're married, is to GIVE YOURSELVES TO ONE ANOTHER FULLY…as you promised. And the Corinthians with all their idealism are heading for trouble.
Which is why you have to agree with the PSYCHOLOGISTS who are saying the problems in the Catholic church may not be quite so profound if it wasn't for the CELIBACY RULES. I mean, it's not rocket science. Paul's been saying it right from the start. Maybe it's better to be REALISTIC at this point instead of having the sort of SPIRITUAL EGO that talks tough. And then fails. Paul says, I've got the gift of being single. But most people haven't. SO DON'T MAKE ME YOUR ROLE MODEL on this.
Now there's another word to the married. Which we'll jump to in verse 10. And again, it should be obvious. Because it sounds like some of the Corinthians want to go even further than ABSTAINING from sexual contact in their marriages. They want to actually SEPARATE. Especially in the situation where you've become a Christian and your partner hasn't.
There are SECTS today that teach exactly that. And I guess if they're concerned that sexual contact is UNSPIRITUAL, it's got to be that much worse with an UNBELIEVING SPOUSE? You'll be DEFILED. Surely?
And Paul says, NO NO NO!
The reason they should know better is that JESUS HIMSELF SAID IT. And they should know. That marriage vows are meant to be PERMANENT. So verse 10. To the married I give this command. Not I, but the LORD. This is WHAT JESUS SAID ABOUT DIVORCE.
A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. He's talking BELIEVERS here. And saying especially to the Corinthians, this idea of SPLITTING UP AS IF IT'S MORE SPIRITUAL is just ridiculous. And to certainly not think if they do that, they can just change their mind later and marry someone else.
And what if you've become a Christian and they're not? NO, AGAIN. He says if you're worried the non-Christian's somehow going to DEFILE YOU, it's the opposite. Because the unbeliever is sanctified. Which means set apart. Rather than the other way round. And might even in the end BE SAVED. Who knows? So STAY AS YOU ARE.
That's what he's saying if you take the time to read verses 12 to 14. If the UNBELIEVER LEAVES, verse 15, there's not much you can do about it. But other than that, STICK WITH IT. Believing spouse or not. God calls us to live in peace. So be peaceful. Always with the hope in verse 16 that your unbelieving husband or wife might see something ATTRACTIVE about the change that becoming a CHRISTIAN… has brought about. HOW DO YOU KNOW, wife, whether you'll save your husband? Or husband… whether you'll save your wife?
Now I know we want to bring all sorts of questions to a passage like this one. And for some of you it's talking about LIVE ISSUES. That are painful. And you maybe need to think through carefully what he's saying. But the bottom line is, BE CONTENT. And stay as you are.
We'll come back to some conclusions in a few minutes. But lets turn for a moment to THE UNMARRIED. Who Paul's got words for as well.
I was reading the other day that if STATISTICS keep following the same trend, in ten years time, a third of Australian adults will be SINGLE.
In other words, being SINGLE is something that's more and more common. Either by choice, with a lot of career oriented people. Or by circumstance. Only very occasionally, I guess, through the pressures Paul is highlighting here. Where there are Christians saying IT'S MORE SPIRITUAL not to marry.
So we need to keep coming back and reminding ourselves about the other end of the conversation Paul's having with these Corinthian ascetics. These Corinthian killjoys.
We're stepping back a little to verse 8. Where he says this. If you're unmarried or a widow, if your life circumstances mean you're single, that's FINE. I'm single as well. But if you're single and you're tempted by sexual immorality, says Paul, it's way better to BE MARRIED.
Which isn't the most ROMANTIC REASON you've ever heard to get married. But may be VERY REAL. Because marriage is the RIGHT PLACE for sexual expression.
Now to the unmarried and the widows, verse 8, I say this. It's GOOD for them to stay unmarried as I am. But IT'S NOT A RULE like the Corinthians want to turn it into. Verse 9. BUT IF THEY CAN'T CONTROL THEMSELVES, they should marry, for it's better to marry than to burn with passion.
And again, you've got to remember Paul's not answering the issues that might be at the front of YOUR MIND if you're single. I mean, he makes it sound so easy. You want to get married, you get married. Which in our culture just isn't necessarily easy at all, is it?
And the same in verse 25. Where he's again talking about SINGLES. But in a context VERY DIFFERENT from ours. NOW ABOUT VIRGINS, he says. And the virgins he's talking about, the term he's using, it's all about BETROTHALS. Which we don't even HAVE ANY MORE. Betrothed in childhood. And then wait til she's old enough to marry. Kind of like engagement. But much longer.
So you've got these super spiritual anti-sex Corinthian types, they're saying IF YOU'RE BETROTHED and you become a Christian, CALL IT OFF.
Which Paul finally answers in verse 36 to 38. Do you call it off? Or don't you? And Paul says, well, there are some good reasons to call it off. And some good reasons not to. But in the end, do whatever you think's best.
Verse 36. If anyone thinks he's acting improperly towards the virgin he's engaged to, and if she's getting on in years and he feels he ought to marry, HE SHOULD DO AS HE WANTS.
Don't listen to anyone who says YOU SHOULDN'T MARRY. He's not sinning. When she comes of age, GET MARRIED.
And yet the other applies as well. If you don't want to, don't.
Now can you see, it's the same point over and over. Sexuality is a good gift from God. Which the Corinthians are turning into something that's a matter of SIN. And best avoided.
The Corinthians are WRONG. But at the same time, there's a bigger issue. Which brings it all together.
Do you notice, in EVERY EXAMPLE, there's a thread that runs right through? That even if our situation in 2002 is very different, still applies. There's a PERSPECTIVE here that we need to get hold of. Just as much NOW… as back then.
And that is, whatever situation you're in, BE CONTENT WITH IT. And do your best to SERVE THE LORD JESUS.
Someone said recently that the current generation of under-25s should be called the 'options generation'. He says "This is the generation which has only ever known constant and turbulent change. They're determined to keep their options open. Their favourite question is 'What else is there?'." The young and the restless. Never content.
Paul wants Christians… to be the opposite.
If you're unmarried, BE CONTENT TO STAY UNMARRIED. And don't be consumed by a longing for things to be different.
If you're married, STAY MARRIED. And don't long NOT TO BE.
Pick it up in verse 20. A good summary. Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. Were you a slave when you were called? DON'T LET IT TROUBLE YOU. Sure, if you're offered your freedom take it, says Paul. But DON'T LET IT TROUBLE YOU. Because you're THE LORD'S FREE MAN ANYWAY.
And the same principle applies. Were you SINGLE when the Lord called you? Then I guess get married if you've got the right opportunity. BUT DON'T LET IT TROUBLE YOU.
Be content. With how things are. Instead of chasing after what the world chases after.
Because if there's one thing as Christians that we know, it's that the THINGS OF THIS WORLD aren't the things to be CLINGING TO. Whether marriage. Or ambitions. Or possessions.
So be content. And don't build your life around the wrong stuff.
He says, I'm not talking about a matter of SIN here. Just of wisdom. In a world that's passing away, time is short. And the MOST IMPORTANT THING is wholehearted SERVICE OF THE LORD JESUS. So get things in proportion.
If you're single… USE YOUR FREEDOM TO SERVE JESUS more effectively. If you're planning to marry – make sure it's someone who'll ENCOURAGE YOU in serving Jesus. Rather than dragging you away. As so often happens.
You're married, your interests are divided. So Paul says if there's any good reason to be single, it's not that it's somehow MORE SPIRITUAL. But that for anyone wholehearted about GOSPEL SERVICE, it's maybe more practical.
So while marriage isn't to be looked down on like the Corinthians are saying, don't WORSHIP IT either. Put on a pedestal as if it's the greatest good. It's not.
So live like the time is short. Live like you've got your bag packed. Verse 29, hold LIGHTLY. To the things of the world. Whether wives or your happiness or your possessions; Don't ENGROSS YOURSELF in the things of the world; because it's passing away.
And find your CONTENTMENT… in serving the Lord Jesus instead.
Can you do that? I mean, these are hard words, aren't they? In a world that GLORIFIES MARRIAGE; that markets SEXUALITY. Don't make the mistake that marriage and sexuality are somehow WRONG. And DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE who wants to say otherwise. But at the same time don't elevate it… if you're a single person especially … to being THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Because it isn't.
So here's the bottom line. We'll leave it with verse 35. In all this, we're not getting dumped with a pile of rules. But a set of priorities. With ONE INTENTION. And here it is. For the Corinthians back then. And for YOU AND ME NOW.
Verse 35. Paul says, "I'm saying this for YOUR OWN GOOD… not to restrict you, but that you may live in a RIGHT WAY… in undivided devotion to the Lord.